Ramble: Traditional Marriage

For those that think we can go back to a “traditional conception of marriage” do you mean like this: 1769 – The American colonies, basing their regulations on English common law, decree: “The very being and legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage, or at least is incorporated into that of her husband under whose wing and protection she performs everything.”

Hello world – the very essence of marriage changed back when western/European nations began to expand the concept of persons. First by allowing one to be a person even if one didn’t have property (but still requiring a proof of penis). Then by expanding person-hood to non-whites (with a penis). And more recently waiving the penis clause – so that women could at last be persons too! All of those changes evolved from initially recognizing that one didn’t need to own property to be a person! Before those dramatic expansions of person-hood, marriage was all about an individual man’s person-hood and his acquisition of property and property rights. A wife was another piece of property – that elevated a man’s person-hood! A single man being less of a person.

(An aside here – one reason birth certificates indicated sex and race was so one’s legal status to own property could be verified. Since we don’t legally limit property in that way anymore – the sex and race data bits aren’t really required for any legal purpose. We are just so used to recording it that we continue to check the boxes…okay back to the original ramble…)

Once marriage became about the voluntary union of two persons – and society continued to confer special economic and social status on that union – it was inevitable that the rules would be challenged, changed, and expanded.

Nice to see our governments finally catching up to the democratic will of the people – even if it does takes 9 ancient humans in black robes to declare reality has shifted.

The reality is governments don’t change. It is the will of the people that changes governments.

So in sum total what did all that mean? Nothing really. The world continues as it did yesterday. Only with slightly more wisdom, slightly greater clarity, and just as much hubris. You may continue with your normal lives and forget I said anything at all!

Ramble: Horrible Realization

Life is a journey. A long walk on the clock that ticks and tocks the pacing of each step. One foot, two foot. Red foot, blue foot. Down gravel roads, over hills, through the grass until long and at last we reach the final cliff of destiny. We stand in stunned realization that we wandered long and hard and far only to end up here staring at one final sunset, moon-rise, star-sky or whatever otherwise; then step off the cliff as we die. What lies beyond we don’t know – and really do we even care?

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In starting that first paragraph I had a horrible realization – and then realized that life is simply a series of horrible realizations. Here are my ten core horrible realizations plus one :

10) Nothing you do matters. Yeah you can tell me that it does, but really stop and think about it. Everything is ephemeral, and the digital world is even more ephemeral. What I just wrote and posted will float for one mill-second on the pond scum called the internet, and then bloop down into the undertow. Gone into the search optimization of page 3. Name one thing that you have done that will be here in 100 years. Congratulations you – my good human – are a freak.

9) Everything you do has been done before. Horatio there is nothing new under the sun – you just haven’t dreamt about it yet! We are simply rinse, recycle, repeat. Yes it looks all shiny and new after the rinse cycle – but really? Been there; done that; and bought the postcards. autumn, winter, spring, summer  – down we forget as up we grew.

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8) There are only 7 plots. That is it. All stories can be told by using those 7 plots. All lives are lived mixing and matching those 7 plot lines. And then we are buried in one and six-feet under the rest. Headstone marking the epitaph that says “here lies one who was born, wondered, wandered, loved, lost, cried and died.”

7) No matter what you have it will be lost. Do you remember saving up for that special something whatzit whozit wonderous dodad dingus phenomenon on om mahna mahna. Can you tell me where it is now? And how special is it now? Okay you saved it and put it on a shelf and still have it – well wasn’t that a hell of  a lot of fun? Why not just take a picture it will last long… OH wait no it won’t!


6) Whatever you remember is wrong. Ever have that conversation with someone about that really cool shared experience and realize that maybe you really weren’t at the same event after all? If you thought digital was ephemeral – just stop and think about thoughts. Fleeting flitting ephemeral memory forever.  The beauty of memory is that it does fade – so all that pain and living and bleeding becomes happy bubblegum and rainbows. Eventually.

5) Nature is relentless. We eco-conscious, green-eyed with wonder and longing for the “natural world” of another time and place – forget that the real nature of nature is harsh, cruel, wild and oh so very hungry. Go on go. Get back to nature and live with the wolves. I dare ya. Final score? Wolves 1; You? Dinner.

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4) People are selfish assholes. By design of course – it is how we survive. How we succeed, move ahead, accumulate, control, possess, thrive. It is the heart and soul of ambition. And without ambition we would all still be dealing with Number 5 above – and watching the wolves eat our children as they slip from womb to doom. Oh you say in gleeful chortle to prove me wrong – what about the human quality of altruism and charity? Yeah right. You really think that is all self-less and without a Machiavellian underpinning? I’ll scratch your back – and OH! Oh now I own you! Altruism is just the gateway to guilty long-term manipulation.

3) No one really cares about you – for you. Oh sure they bring you flowers, and offer tokens of appreciation, and say sweet savory words of delight. All designed to make your heart grow three size too big and kill you from congestive heart failure. Or make you drop your pants so you can satisfy some itch that exists in their own pants. “Oh sweetie you are so wonderful, here I brought you flowers which will now die and never produce offspring – and OH speaking of offspring lets get naked and plant some seeds of our own!” OH that heady rush of oxytocin makes me do and say things I will regret in due course!

2) No matter what you have it will never be enough. Again by design. Our genetic makeup is programmed by cycles of feast and famine. As we have modified the world and the cycles of the world we haven’t modified our own internal drives to adjust to the eternal western feast of plentiful food, plentiful entertainment, plentiful sex, plentiful pleasure, plentiful plentiful! So we are ever enticed to gorge on what is spread before us – consuming and consummating through our every waking hour! The only thing we don’t get enough of is sleep and contemplation. Maybe if we indulged in those activities the world would be different? Fuck that – pass me a beer and let’s get naked!

1) It is all meaningless. Yes you heard me – none of this means anything. We may give it meaning, lend it meaning, imbue it with meaning. But in the end all we each experience is this cold reality: We are born and we move inevitably toward death. Everything else is optional. So go ahead – go enjoy the options!

Remember this final horrible realization:

0) There are no good choices and no bad choices – there are only choices and then there are consequences. No matter what – ANY choice you make is YOUR choice, and you have to accept both the pleasure and the pain of that choice. For as long as you shall live – for richer or for poorer. In sickness or in health. Until death sets you free.

Ramble: Toy Handcuffs

Way back in  time one of the games we played was cowboys and indians.  Not a very politically correct game anymore. We had cowboy hats, holsters, toy guns and toy stars and of course toy handcuffs. The Lone Ranger being one spark to our culturally inappropriate games.

Handcuffs fascinated me. Simple sturdy metal. Like most toys of my childhood made from sturdy metal. Plastic was still off in the future.

Like these:

http://www.antiquesnavigator.com/ebay/images/2013/330913125624.jpg Antique Toy Handcuffs

They look almost real – real enough to be used to scare the less critical into thinking these are real kid size cuffs. But no fear – they have quick release buttons on the side. No keys involved at all. Now toy cuffs are plastic. Well except for the adult-play kind which tend to be fur-lined and more exotic.

Still I remember being locked up with these toy cuffs and how easy it was to pop the buttons. Or when the button jammed pulling on the soft metal S-hook connector until the cuffs popped apart.

You can still find these at flea-markets and online via antique sites. There is a large selection for sale over on e-bay.

Toy Handcuffs http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTIwMFgxNjAw/z/ULMAAOSwBahU3-cN/$_57.JPG

Our children don’t play those same games anymore because at their heart those games reflected a cultural divide. The game inherently contained social judgement that the “cowboys” were the good guys, and the indians the bad guys. And that is simply a nonsensical colonial narrative that served to justify unspeakable abuse and horror. Of course we haven’t really grown that much or that far from when this abuse was acceptable. We just like to pretend that we are more mature, more civilized, and more accepting.

Growing up in “white” Ontario I was often mistaken for a “native”. Through my teen years I was given various nicknames that reflected my vaguely “indian” features. These were not terms of endearment. I remember sneaking into a bar and having an older white man comment: “who da f’ck let the f’cking ‘skimo in here? That wasn’t that long ago – and that “older” attitude still percolates close to the surface of our civilized veneer.

It is rather disquieting how an innocent childhood toy can be a defining metaphor for institutionalized hatred and oppression. Yet there it is – a toy that is no longer a toy. A toy embedded with yesterdays sorrow.

Over the years we culturally have changed. We are more diverse. More accepting. And we have invented other cultural ghosts to terrorize our xenophobia. Still we mostly are getting better. At least we are better at saying “sorry”. The reality is there is still such a long long way to go.

Ramble: Blogging Advice from Hell

It has suddenly dawned on me what this world needs more of, oh so much more. First of all you all need more advice and wisdom. Don’t worry I have that covered – so stay with me and I’ll share that with you. No charge. Second of all the world simply needs more lists. So here is a dangling listicle of advisement pleasure:

  1. There are no rules for blogging. Yes you heard me right – you get to do whatever you think is best when writing a blog. Shocking I know. Take a deep breath and let that sink in for a moment.
  2. There are rules for good blogging. Yeah I messed with you there with Number 1, and that first big reveal of freedom. There are things you can do to create an effective popular blog. When I find out what those things are I will share them with you via an e-book. Only $29.95. But if you pre-order now I will take say $5 via paypal? It is an investment in your future.
  3. Don’t write poetry. Poetry blogs suck. Anyone that writes poetry sucks. They are angst filled pound-puppy rejects of blogging swill. Don’t believe me? This is a Poetry Blog – go ahead take a look around – OH…and bring a bucket.
  4. Post Photos. Lots of photos. It will guarantee your success as a blogger. The internet started out as text and slip-streamed into images and video faster than a porn-star on blow. Which reminds me that the biggest hits on the internet are naked pictures of women and cats. Only the cats aren’t naked. The other common element is both types of photos often include boxes of on kind or another. Mostly the other.

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    Obligatory naked pussy-cat photo…

  5. Sex. I don’t have to explain this do I? You know the old saying those who can do – and the rest of us read about it.
  6. Be a woman blogger. Women bloggers get followers faster than flowers get bees. Especially attractive women. And if you are a witty, attractive woman it is even better. Add a provocative photo of yourself, and the internet is like a baby crying for a nipple. I started a TUMBLR account as a twenty-something woman, re-posting steamy photos and I had more followers and dirty emails in a month then I could handle. And mostly those emails were all about the handling. I deleted the account.
  7. Be a celebrity blogger. Nothing says success like being a celebrity sharing your thoughts and opinions on everything, everywhere, every time. Of course being a celebrity kinda bypasses the whole chicken-and-egg dilemma from the blogging sense. Being a celebrity ensures the success of your blog no matter what you are saying. Add some photos of yourself – maybe topless sun-bathing and Oh-la-la! And yes twitter counts as blogging when you post every 30-seconds…
  8. Write about celebrities. It is like Number 7 in a coat-tails parasitic symbiosis kinda way. And I mean that in the best ways possible! Naked photos add hits (see Jennifer Lawrence…)
  9. Be funny! I cannot emphasize this enough. Funny gets you followers. We all lead bitter lonely lives in our own silent realities – why do I need to read about someone else’s sad sorry life? I tried to be funny once – it was quite the tragedy.
  10. Be tragic! I just said “Be Funny” and now I say “Be Tragic”? Look I don’t have to be right when I give out free advice, but I do have to cover all the bases. The best thing in the world is a sad-tragic tale told in a darkly humorous style. It is good to laugh – it is even better to laugh at other people’s misery and stupidity!  Add some photographs and SNAP! You is a blogging star.
  11. Create Lists. Lots and lots of lists. Want people to view hundreds of naked women (or fully furred felines?) then create a list of TOP-TEN Bikini Bodies. Mix in pictures of cats in bikinis and you have multiple points from this list covered! You will be a google god!
  12. Mention Jennifer Lawrence at least once. Search Optimization. Jennifer Lawrence Naked is the number one search term out there.
  13. Never have Thirteen items in your list. It is just way too long!
  14. Post in time for breakfast. People want to read short-snappy feel good items as they have a coffee. Eggs over-easy with a side of listicals. Oh that is good.

I guarantee that if you follow my advice you will be a blogger. Mainly because if you follow my advice you will create a blog – and so it follows you are then a blogger. The successful part has nothing to do with me or my listical of blogging wisdom.

Carry on and keep blogging.

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Jennifer Lawerence – hey is she actually wearing anything?

Ramble: Blogging Cold Stark Reality

It is silent here.

No laughter. No voices. No keyboard clicks of wonderment and joy.

It is empty here. Mostly it has always been that way. The longer I do this blogging act of desperation, the wiser I become as to my own talent and star-power. I got nothing.

I’ve tried the various techniques to build audience and traffic. Did the hours and hours of visits to other blogs and other sites. Leaving traces of my own passing. Calling cards and invitations for others to come back here and play. Natch.

I posted two poems yesterday. I have over 3000 theoretical followers. I cross-posted and re-posted across a dozen other sites and social media hubs. Wait what is that sound? Do you hear it. It is only the wind whispering over the Ethernet, the wind chortling ever so softly: “loser.”

Yesterday’s grand total views: 32
And over half of those views are here: http://merlinspielen.com/2013/06/18/fear-of-apples/

I guess I should take solace that I own the searches for Fear of Apples and Malusdomesticaphobia. I am a google god!

Why do I bother? Been 4 years of posting now. Almost daily. I should probably stop wasting my time. Or at least stop fretting about how many people read these words.

So tell me is anyone actually reading these posts? Or should I just pack it all in and fuggedaboutit…

I know mainly what I am doing wrong is writing crappy meaningless poetry. Without any pretty pictures. I should include pictures. Pretty pictures of naked women to accompany my poems. Of course if I had naked women to to take pictures of, well I wouldn’t be writing poetry. I’d have other things on my mind. Or at least on my face…oh now maybe that will get me some more hits! Salacious delicious sexual content.

Okay carry on then – did my regular angst-dump on WTF am I doing writing this crap and paying for the privilege of hosting.

The reality is sinking in at this point. I am quite adequate with words. I’m just not very good at it. And no matter what I will always scrawl out random stanza’s that leak from another dimension.

Yeah I know: Life isn’t fair, and that is just the way it is. I saw Labyrinth so I get the life-lesson already.

Bueller?