where once it was full
where once it all gleamed
once; twice; down the road
it was crushed in passing
so very much like me.
straight edge bent backward
slipping fast forward
sirens slow screaming
slicing through silence
compelling our fear
to double us down
forgive me my Mama
give me rope
give me pain
give me release
oh won’t you please
at your pleasure
allow me to be
if that is your
then give it to me
why do they come
bearing black guns?
why do they take
the little I am
and lock it away?
give me hope
give me quiet
give me cocaine
give me my lines
so I’ll know what to say
why are these words
written on paper?
see how the flutter
when the wind blows away…
my thoughts are fleeing
and Descartes is no more.
A sudden realization has occurred – well maybe not so sudden since we are all aware of this truth: We humans don’t argue to to reveal the truth, we humans argue to prove we are winners. It isn’t about facts, it is all about winning and imposing our views on those we see as others; on those we see as the losers. At it’s heart debate is never about being right, and it is all about being righteous.
Yes that is right we are all inherently bullies; no matter how kind we intend our reign of tyranny, our goal is to impose our self-woven patterns of reality.
We desire victory so we can impose our version of order and control on the world around us, because by doing so we feel stronger; And feeling stronger makes us think we will survive. The most basic urge of any organism is to survive. The more any creature feels under threat, the more desperate it will become to win the battle. Triumph will always trump truth.
The same is true of human ideas and human ideals. The more those ideas and ideals are under relentless attack, the more the community that hold those ideas and ideals will feel physically threatened by the arguments thrown at them. You cannot change another’s mind by telling them they are wrong. You cannot destroy an idea by calling it names. If you feel the need to tell someone they are wrong – step back and ask:
“Why does this other think this is worth fighting?”
“What in their life has convinced them that this has value?”
Instead of having arguments we need to remember to have conversations. Instead of dismissing other’s as purely wrong or purely evil or purely cruel because we cannot understand their history of living, we need to step back and simply ask them:
“Can I buy the first round of drinks?; And you can tell me about your journey and how we ended up here today.”
Where does it all begin?
That eternal nagging question of what was before I remember remembering?
There is the seed and there is the tree. Yet what comes first the seed or the tree? And does that even matter at all?
Isn’t there something before the seed? A mystery beyond our poking and measuring? A spark that ignites into being and life? A spark that becomes seed, imbues seed, consumes seed, and becomes root and leaf, transforms into tree, and in turns becomes spark for the next cycle of becoming and being.
What am I but a spark? Drifting in the darkness captured inside the dust of dead stars. Bond by gravity and weak quantum attractions to molecules and masses. What am I? Why am I?
Where do I go when it ends?
godless(ADJECTIVE): Not believing in God.
I find the Oxford English dictionary primary definition of godless rather amusing: they capitalize the word god. Implying that godless is not to believe in the monotheistic Abrahamic God. Psst – it really is the lower case version of the word because it is general disbelief in god(s) of all stripes and flavours.
Looking at other dictionaries gets even more amusing since godless also means “evil or wicked”. “to be profane”. And a synonym of godless is atheist. A the joys of language – judgement passed without even making an accusation.
Now just to be clear I am not an atheist. An atheist is one who believes there is no god. It is an absolute conviction that there is no greater being, no creator, no primal consciousness of any kind. And well I just don’t know that, and I think we can never know the truth of that. And I think it doesn’t matter. That makes me an agnostic.
agnostic(NOUN): someone who does not know, or believes that it is impossible to know, if a god exists.
While I don’t know if there is a god at all, I am absolutely certain there is no such thing as a personal god. A god that walks along with you to guide and protect your life. After all, if god will protect me from all harm because of my faith, and protect your from all harm because of your faith. What happens when we go to war?
There could be a god, a creator, prime-mover. I just have no proof there is one. And even if there is one (or dozens) – a god has no need to spend their time monitoring and judging my actions. What a waste of an infinite mind to act as a cosmic voyeur tsk-tsking everything the little people chose to do in private. “Oh my god did you see that he put his thing in her thing and they had pleasure! And they aren’t even married”
That type of observation isn’t godly – it is simply being a peeping tom. Tsk tsk.
And in the end I guess that makes me godless. That doesn’t mean I don’t have an ethical or moral code to guide my life and my choices. I believe in the precept that we each should strive to “cause no harm.” Which is a great starting point until you end up in a conflict because you want cherry cola and I want plain cherry soda – and we can only have one bottle to share. One of us will be disappointed – and one of us will be “harmed” in some sense by that conflict. Yes it will be a minor snowflake of harm, and truly the single snowflake of harm is no great event. However, the infinite accumulation of snowflakes does tend to leave an impact of some sort. The point being that striving to “cause no harm” isn’t a complete moral code in itself. One needs more principles to navigate the complexity of humans and human interactions.
In that light my next guiding mantra is “find the greater good.” Sounds simple enough. And as slippery as all hell. What is “good” anyway? Who decides? How is it measured? And there you have me – I cannot completely define what “good” might be, or what makes something “better” than something else. Yet we all seem to have a shared sense of that concept of goodness; and what is harm. The reality is that sometimes in order to make things better there has to be a loser.
I am not sure I can take you any further in this ramble except to say there are no elegant perfect solutions to any of this. Just do your best to keep it simple and cause no harm whenever possible. And if that isn’t possible then share in the suffering.